Just a lil spot of tea for my friends and me!
Im fresh out of a move and again Im living out of a box. Im completely disinterested in school. Im totally overweight for my liking, I am in debt, I am broke. I feel a calling but I cannot find where the hell the voice is coming from. What does one have to do to meet dream? What can I devote my energy to instead of dumping iron after iron in the fire. Im exhausted now just thinking of it! I was asked what I collect the other day, and I went through my head, and the only reply I can think of is “everything”. The response to that was, “but what do you really feel passionate about” I was still clouded. I think its time for a long hike alone! I need to reunite the thoughts in my head with the craziness in my head! I need to find my traveller. I need my drum…. to reunite me with myself!!!
So my lives trial and tribulations continue. Just about 2 days ago I thought I was having a hella of good day! I bought a new truck! during the negotiations I got a text from my roommate telling me that I was evicted. ….. …… …… UGH! trying to fight past the churning in my stomach from the negotiation at hand I was complicated with this unnerving nagging that was raging in the back of my mind. So just the next day i was walking down memory lane thinking of all the things that have happened in my life to make me who I am. They all seem to be very viable to becoming me. However, the mainstream society has a very different view. Why not accept the person that has been there and done that? They want the fetus that has been protected for 9 months nay 372 months. Why is that? Do we harbor ignorance? Indeed we do! We want the most vulnerable at the helm of our countries most important tasks. Not the fighter , not the one that stands up for his/her beliefs but the one that that is quick to like what you like instead of paving the way for a new train of thought. We have federal agents that have never had a serious life threatening decision, but take them over those that have them, and on the drop of a dime run an IV, or fly a helicopter, or defend themselves! Im sorry for the state our country is in. Im sorry you dismissed the real man, the man that could, ME!!
After being disconnected for so long, I have found myself surrounded with the calling of my past Wiccan life! The Festival of Beltan and now with the eve of Samhain about us, I can only sit and think how I gave up such a truly natural following. I plant my fruits to this light but yet I wake to a different one. I eat the poison of the modern day and yet I was told that it wasn’t meant to be! So drowned in this chaotic mess! Release me cruel and selfish world! So mote it be! So mote it be!!
"And it harm none do what thou wilt"
Its just another day of my life, but its the “other” day that I want to bring to light! So the whole world knows that Steve Jobs died October 5th 2011 but does the world know that I also turned 31 that day? Yeah what a trip, 20 years from now when they ask where were you when Steve Jobs died, I can reply well I was working with a math group over at Mama’s Pizza on Houghton and Broadway at around 3:45PM. What a trip, I was actually hoping to meet that guy too. Far fetched you say? Well not really because I work for Apple. Just a weekend in Cupertino thats all I needed. DAMN! Oh well RIP to a visionary, and a dreamer! At least I know we had the later in common!
Today I found a Ben’s Bell at Lakeside Park. It was about 3pm and we were waiting for our local VW clubs event, “K-Day” to start. I noticed this thing in the corner of my eye hanging from the playgrounds metal guard rail. I then forgot about it for a second as someone sidetracked me. But then there it was back in my attention calling to me. I slowly walked toward it thinking… Hey maybe its a geocache that someone muggled. It wasn’t it was a cool ceramic Ben’s Bell. It really lit up my day! I think this is a subconscious affirmation that I am on the right path! I hope so! I really need someone to tell me that I am headed in the right direction with my choices and my circumstances. I am not a kid anymore and that direction can only come from the faintest hints, and only apparent if you are in tune with it and know what your looking for! Thank you to Ben’s Mom for putting forth this effort of kindness! It has touched my soul and for that I am thankful!
Though my ponderance of a delectable soul has left me confused because of the remaining tendrils wrapped around the situation. Step one leap with heart wide open….and risk being fooled by the innocence and burn those I hold close. Step 2, ere on the side of caution and risk losing the chance to engage step one. Step three run away to a place safe and open, with space for the gardens I have been waiting for since 2001. Step 4 wallow in the fact that all steps were avoided and the scent of that dream get blown along in the winds of time never to be recovered. I fear since I have seen it again in my dream cloaked by the feathers of the snow, that I might have to engage this exotic wonder. Perfect accompaniment how her eyes looked when she revealed herself to me the first time. Touché as I revealed myself to her soon after… I can fly…..along side you, but to your surprise as you thought your beauty was mesmerizing. I might meet your council but what would they say? Im almost positive they would embrace me and see it as a unity between two improbable mysteries. Would you reveal yourself to me, and allow the sweet winter kiss? Would we float amongst the rays of the sun in circular dance as we made love? Would all this amorous touch fulfill something greater than prophecy. I envision you grasping the wreath of life and placing it upon my brow as we hand fast in the ways of the ancients. O remarkable creature, did you lay awake and contemplate this meeting on fascination street? Would it be without burden? I cant tell you how I wished I could. However, the thought made my smile prominent, and tickled my soul. We will see how the calendar invites us into its life, and we shall see how tomorrow accepts an unbeatable force, and further see how our lives affect the fabric of time. So for now farewell, I send my kiss on a blanket of light that caresses your face in the morning and awaits your smile as a token of appreciation for its journey.
please listen to this with the post A Yearning!!
Another chapter soon to close. Bitten by an unimaginable fate. Things are changed. The strange “Hello today, and yet Goodbye tomorrow…. too late” You sit and think about the things you wish to say but get choked by the thought, the last memory, then you are invaded by hurt. Sideways glance and the pain becomes unbearable, I breakdown… I cry my heart out. I used to say the only worse pain is love, and Ive lost plenty of those. Now I know a worse pain. Silly if you were to think that blood hurts, but grow that thought and you will see. I used to wait in my mind. Tomorrow would suffice, now that piano will never be played that symphony composed in duet with someone I hold so dear to my heart. Now the tears come again. What would the heavens say to these tears if met at the end of their river? What immense joy would come if they were to unite with that blood and the wound? There was once a lone stranger that wandered the desert. Little did he know that he was being watched the whole time. The shaman of the valley will soon not exist. Will his heart sink too low? Will he beat his drum once again? I have peculiar light. One intended of greatness, you’ll see. My dreams have dreamt, a myriad of beauty. I will plant a tree for you and that tree will then reach to you and evey morning as it is kissed by the sun you will know that my arms are open for your embrace. Tomichi….. Once again I shall hear these words. Hasta el momento le vuelvo.